can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
