Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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