Barsexuality is the new black.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
