Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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