Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
