yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
