I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
