Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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