You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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