I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
