You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
My vagina just clenched in fear
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
