She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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