The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
