They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
