I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
