You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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