i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
