yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
