woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
