I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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