after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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