Need sex. Gaining weight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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