I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
