Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My dick has a subreddit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
