He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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