bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
