How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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