he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
