You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this will be a night to untag.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
