I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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