My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
