Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
