Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
