My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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