i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
