New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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