You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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