Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
