girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
