Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
