you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
