dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize