i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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