Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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