Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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