They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
