Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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