It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
