If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
