So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
