By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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