There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
