Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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