What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
