i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize