She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
