i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
