dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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