nut hugger
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
