You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
