Slut skills are useful in every country.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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