Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
