Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
