Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
