I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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