...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
