Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We are two peas in an std pod
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
