i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
