How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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